It’s all about the ATTITUDE

So, after being told that I should just trash my old desktop rather than try to upgrade the RAM because it was too difficult to get to the open slot, it took Keith and I about half an hour to open the case, figure out how to pull out the drives, look at the current RAM, find compatable RAM from one of his old computers, stick it in and power up the computer.

It’s amazing what can be done when someone truely wants to help vs. someone who says they want to help but then finds any excuse not to try when they run into a glitch. My computer isn’t screaming fast, being five years old, but it now starts up in under a minute and has 5 times the RAM it did.

Kudos to Keith, a computer bad-ass with a willingness to help.

Sex Drive

You know what I hate? When your sex drive kicks in before you’re ready for it to and you desperately want to tackle all the good looking men you see but feel guilty for wanting to. Like you’re cheating on the person who kicked you in the teeth or something. It’s stupid.

And then your dreams start taking over. That’s where my infatuations start, when men start starring in my dreams. Then I can’t get them out of my head, even if I know I’m not interested. Why do our brains and emotions put us through these trials?

I hope Amanda’s date is going well…


So my sleeping is still sporadic. The horrible fan-belt screaching has now limited itself to more reasonable hours, but now my dreams are causing trouble. I keep dreaming that I go home and Georgios is there with his new girlfriend, who always has a different face, and they are happy, living their lives carefree. And I go unnoticed, unwanted, a non-entity. And the despair and hatred well up and have nowhere to go except into the waking world. I’m alone and no one can help me.

And I have to ask myself, how could he just throw me away, like yesterday’s trash after almost nine years? Not worrying about how I am, where I am, if I’m ok. While I realize I’m better off without someone so selfish and uncaring, I wonder what could possibly be wrong with me that makes me so easy to discard and forget. Did he come to hate me so much? Truely? Or was I just easy to sacrifice to make him feel a return to eternal youth, young and free?
What did I do to deserve this?